Supporting loved ones

Losing a loved one is a difficult and emotional experience, and supporting a friend who is going through this can be challenging to navigate. It can be very hard to know what to say or do, but doing something from your heart is always better than doing nothing at all.

Rabbi Steve Leder says there are 2 simple things you can do for those suffering:

1. Show Up 

2. Be You 

Everyone's grief journey is unique and takes time. Be patient and understanding, and let your friend know that you are there for them, even after the immediate shock of loss, and that you care. Sometimes just holding space or sitting in silence together can help. 

Here are a few ways you can support a friend who has lost someone:

• Listen and offer emotional support: Sit and listen. Let them talk about their feelings and memories without judging or trying to fix the situation.

• Be there: Offer yourself in person. Help them with tasks or appointments, or simply spend time together.

• Be patient: Be patient with your friend as grief is a process that takes time. Remember that everyone grieves differently and on their own time.

• Respect their choices: Respect and support their decisions about how to grieve, process, and celebrate a life lost.

• Encourage self-care: Look for ways to help your friend to take care of themselves during this difficult time.

• Keep in touch: Grief can last for a long time, and your friend may need your support for weeks, months, or even years.

What should you write in a message or condolences card?

A good place to start is to simply express how sorry you are for their loss.

Then aim to make your message personal - add their name and the name of the person they have lost.

Add special memories or favourite attributes of the person that come to mind. Stories and photos are always appreciated and help to help keep their memory alive.

If you didn’t know the person they have lost, read any linked memorials or obituaries and comment on what stood out for you or the legacies they leave behind.

We have been trained to try to take the pain away, but it’s best to avoid trying to help someone find the silver lining by saying things like “they are in a better place” right after a loss. It is ok to acknowledge that this really sucks and the person will be greatly missed. No positive words will change that their person is gone.

When in doubt, just say something to acknowledge the loss. Try, “They were loved and will be greatly missed.” Or simply let your friend know you are there for them and send your love.